"You will," Lilith replied quickly and got up on her feet. A languid motion followed as she brushed her hair out of her face. To spend comfort never had been one of her strengths. Annie knew it, Theo knew it— God, everyone she ever met knew she wasn’t good at comforting people. Most of her words were spoken with an acuate, mischievous tongue. And still she knelt down and clasped her hands above her mouth momentarily as if letting his words settle in. "You’re speaking bullshit. Of course you’re going to see all of the things I mentioned. You’re going to tell him his picture look lovely even if they don’t. You’re going to take him to the seashore and show him how to fish. You’re going to— hell, you’re going to show him the world, every little treasure that can be found here in Four."
How was even possible to bear such heartbreak in one’s words when she couldn’t even feel the way others did? A sigh, drenched in exhaustion and leaving nothing of her formerly defensive strength but debris, left her lips and she settled down next to the male. She partially even wished for Annie to burst into the kitchen and make them stop. Stop fighting, stop despairing of the cruel reality— hell, she even wanted Annie to make them stop breathing if it would help to get this war over. So she stared, her blue orbs casting a tired gaze upon the door and her hands trembling while she pulled her knees up to her chest.
I’m sorry, he said and it felt as if he had pushed a knife into her chest. Her gaze was still glued to the door, restlessly trying to keep her mind focused on something else than the ache in her core. Annie was the only person she cared for after her own brother. Hearing him speak of his oncoming end was quickly misunderstood and her brain assumed him to have given up on Annie completely. But she was too exhausted to yell, too exhausted to take him by the shoulders and shake him until he promised that he wouldn’t leave.
For the first time after almost four years now, Lilith acted selflessly. She didn’t think about what might happen if Annie grew old happily, she didn’t think about how she might end being pushed away, and every time her thoughts threatened to slide into that direction she focused on something else. Eventually it were her own thoughts predominating his voice as she counted silently. One; Finnick loved Annie. Two; Annie would be happy. Three; Theo would grow up with a father. Four, five, six— she couldn’t stop until his last sentence sounded and her gaze darted back to his countenance. Throat sore and tears leaving greyish paths on her cheeks, her hands clenched into fists again. Bloody hell, she didn’t want to hear it. Couldn’t he just shut the fuck up?
"Stop. Please— Finnick, stop," she almost begged. Yet Lilith tried her best to keep both her voice and her shaking frame calm. "It will work. If they’re able to develop games such as the hunger games— they will surely be able to give you another thirty or forty years to live, too. You have to stay, Finn. I’m trying my hardest to be Annie’s friend and Theo’s aunt. But the truth is— I can’t. I’m living in a country you probably never heard of until now. I have a son myself and he’s not.. a common child. I work at least twenty hours a day and only get about four hours of sleep each night. I’m not capable of raising a child, neither am I capable of taking care of a woman who’s still lost in grief. You have to stay, please. I can’t even promise to live long enough to see Theo graduate. But neither can I allow Annie to sink back into loneliness. You’re back, so please stay."
“And if I do? If I tell him that his drawings are wonderful and then I don’t come back here ever again, he’s going to ask questions. Questions I know Annie won’t want to answer, questions that she shouldn’t have to answer! How can I set my own son on a path that even I find confusing?” This was the side of Finnick that very few people had ever seen while he had been alive. Annie saw it, Mags saw it and the rebels saw it while Annie was captured. It was a side to himself he wanted to keep private, but he couldn’t help himself for showing this side to a complete stranger. “I want to be able to show him that, but I’m so lost. I need to be a real Father, not one who was dead for years, came back for a week and was never seen again. I’m not a jerk, I don’t want to leave.”
He knew that he shouldn’t have come back; he should have waited the week to see if he would live. He should only have returned to her if he had security, but he didn’t. He honestly didn’t know if he would ever find that security.
Meanwhile, Annie had taken Theo outside. She had intended for him to play, but instead she was sat with him, her arms around him as she did everything she could to calm him down. In most ways, the boy was like his Father, but emotionally, he was like Annie. It took her a while, but she managed to get him to relax enough for the tears to stop and for his breathing to calm down. “Hey, can Mommy go inside for a while? I have to talk things over with your Daddy and Auntie Lil, but you can come get me if you need a cuddle? Or if you just want someone to play with. I’ll be just inside.” The young boy nodded and allowed Annie to stand up and walk into the house, as he watched her walk away; he sat back against the wall of the house and looked out. How had he been born into a family that didn’t know normal and wouldn’t know normal if it jumped up and hit them in the face?
As she walked back towards the kitchen, she felt a little better to hear that the arguments had mostly stopped, they were still speaking, which could be good but could also be dangerous for the both of them.
Finnick turned to face Lilith as she spoke of her home, “So, you aren’t from Four? I mean I could have guessed that, you don’t look like the people here. Maybe District One? Or Two? You have a look of District Two…” If Annie didn’t step into the conversation, she knew this could go on for a while. She pushed upon the kitchen door as lightly as she could, “She isn’t from any of the Districts Finn, neither is she from the Capitol. She isn’t from Panem. It’s complicated, that I know, but just go with it, please? And don’t ask questions, I think you’ve both questioned each other enough for now.” She walked towards Finnick and placed her hand over his, “But she’s right. They surely can do this, it can’t be over for you. If they’ve come this far, they can go further. Please stay.” And then the words that left her mouth took even her by surprise. “If it means you get to stay, I’ll come to the Capitol with you.”
I close my eyes,
I try to sleep.
I can't forget you.and I'd do anything for you.
So, I have a plan.
I’m going to work on my presentation tonight and get it finished meaning I only have my essay to finish which I can do over the weekend.
Therefore when my presentation is finished, I can do replies! And I mean it this time! So, I’ll be around and see you properly later.
I can’t believe how quickly my mood went from wonderful to kill me now.
So I’m going to go.
I mean, not like anyone actually wants me here. I’m slow at replies and well, most people just ignore me.
No didn’t think so
I will be making a masterlist and you will be added. OCs included! Thank you xo
Why are all the replies in my drafts long? I have a headache, and I’m tired. So, I might lurk around for a while and answer any asks if I get them [Family feels are always nice-hint hint-] but if not I’ll be around tomorrow to write replies :)
"It gets better during the years, but it’s only this day that the pain is the most." She will eventually grow over it, or not, but the pain was the only way she felt a little bit closer to him. Perhaps it was because he led too much pain when he got brutally killed by Snow’s little minions.
Annie nodded, of course that made sense. “I’m sorry you lost him Mags. If you ever need to talk, I can listen, I know it can help, but if you ever just need company, I can do that too.” She offered Mags a small smile before turning away and gazing out to the horizon.
“— My Daughter would be 6 today. Depressing really, thinking about home when you know there’s a big chance you could die.”
"I find that thinking of home can help, it might not be the same to everyone but it is helpful. It’ll be fine, I’m sure."