Why am I so awkward when it comes to new people? I made a fool out of myself within three minutes and I’m now hiding in my room until they leave.
I hate myself :(
Already answered! :)
1. If you had to change your character’s FC for one day, who would you pick?
If I’m being completely honest, I don’t know. I’m far too attached to Astrid as Annie and I can’t think who I would want to change my FC to, and since Astrid is my fancast even if I had to change, I wouldn’t.
10. What’s the hardest thing for you to write?
Being awkward, I would have to say smut isn’t something I can write. I tried it once, it was awful and I decided that shouldn’t be a thing I do ever again.
She knew Annie did not like the subject very much. Although immune to feeling guilty for having brought it up, it certainly afflicted her speech: her voice would turn softer, slower, and her posture shrunk despite her commonly very self-aggrandising mannerisms. “ Well — even if so, Annie. Don’t worry about it. I’ve had bad sex, too, unbelievingly so. I’ve mucked it up like no one else and felt so horrible. “ A laugh was coaxed out of her mouth and fell over her lips like suffocated thunder perhaps. She shook her head, while her chest would shake, too, her her eyes would soon be covered up by pale hands. Carefully as not to ruin her looks, she rubbed the corners of her eyes and erased the threateningly flickering memoria. “ That one time I pushed away the probably hottest man on earth because he was just so … ugh. Like, he would hump my leg right ? And I just … I couldn’t. It probably would have been the best night of my life, had I not been made so uncomfortable by that one thing. “
But that was of little relevance. She simply spoke of it to amuse Annie. Lilith did not know what else to say, otherwise. Annie was right and her fear of not finding someone like Finnick was justified. Especially because there would not be anyone like Finnick. He, too, was one like no other — and even Lilith knew it, Lilith who, despite having understood the idea of uniqueness, would come to think of everyone as the the same thing sooner or later: woman, man, then human, then animate being, and lastly dead. But Finnick ? She almost admired him for having loved Annie in spite of everything. They must have questioned his love every time he spoke of it, she thought, they must have thought him to be as insane as Annie was deemed. She herself was not sure if she could be that strong, too, to openly commit her heart to someone of such little reputation. She would do it for Annie, for her sister, but perhaps Annie, too, was an exceptional case.
Hands would rest against her hips eventually, and the Annie’s smile was thrown right back. “ Sure we are. And I’ll have your back at all times — if you though find someone and want to be alone with him, give me a heads-up, yeah ? That way I won’t sit around without anything to do and waste precious time of my youth. I’m not going to stay this hot forever, just saying. “ If she would get old to begin with, but that was a subject not adequate for this situation. This evening was about getting down to business, anyway. And Lilith doubted not that there would be enough men to woo Annie. If she believed it or not, she was a beautiful woman, especially when she smiled like this. ( Lilith, too, might have fallen for a smile like this, but then again Lilith valued friendship and family over relationships. To fall for Annie would have meant one night perhaps, then getting up in the morning with a cigarette between her lips, and leaving her just as quick. Annie deserved better than that. That was why she would never fall in love with Annie Rose Cresta-Odair: as a lover she could have given her a few spectacular hours perhaps, as a sister she could give her the world if that was what Annie wanted. )
Her steps gravitated towards the door again, even if slowly so that Annie would not have to catch up and lose her breath. “ Where do you want to start ? I heard there’s a place in the south where the drinks taste rather good. I don’t know it here so well, but I suppose when there’s a recommendation, I ought to check it out. “
It wasn’t often that she actually wished for a conversation to end, but this was one Annie really didn’t want to continue with. She wasn’t sure if Lil knew that this wasn’t making things better and was simply making her more afraid of the whole trying again with love thing. But she wouldn’t say anything, maybe it was something she needed to hear. “It isn’t that I’m worried about it being bad, well I am but, it’s the getting there that is scary.” She admitted. Annie had no experience with being what most people considered sexy, and in an environment she wasn’t used to, it could trigger anything and then nobody would want to know her.
Fear. It was the one thing that would and could easily crippled Annie if she was doing something she wasn’t used to. If she wasn’t a Victor, if she hadn’t faced what she had been forced to face at fifteen, maybe this would be easy for her. But maybe she would be just as bad, it was all a mystery. If she hadn’t gone through the games, she wouldn’t have found Finnick and fallen in love so young. Would that have worked in her favour or would it have just meant that she would have been lonely for longer. Whatever it could have meant for her, she was sure of one thing, she wouldn’t be happy with her life with her son if she hadn’t gone through the games and met Finnick. It was all very strange to her that such pain and misery could lead to such happiness but that would end in more pain and misery than she started with. Part of her was afraid that it would just be a cycle and falling in love again would hurt her all over again and she wasn’t ready for that to happen. She never wanted it to happen.
But she was going to try, she was going to throw caution to the wind and she was going to see what the world would throw at her. In response to Lil she nodded, “At all times unless I say otherwise.” Her smile showed her nerves, but it was a smile all the same. “And you know if you don’t want to be around me at all times, you don’t have to be. I’m sure I can at least survive on my own.” Or at least she hoped she could, she had survived on her own for almost seven years, what would one night be without Lil by her side at all times? Possibly terrifying.
Where did she want to start? Asking Annie that was like asking a toddler to name each of the Victors. Impossible because of their lack of knowledge. Not that she was comparing herself to a toddler, she simply didn’t know of any places. “Completely up to you. I mean, I don’t mind. Take me wherever you think is best. I’ll follow your lead.”
And with a deep breath, she fell into place beside the woman she considered family. What could the future hold for her and would it start with tonight?
The great nothing was good to look at. The wooden floor was pretty. It was not something Finnick liked, but it was good for a few weeks. He was thinking about the floor in a desperate try not to panic and run, like he wanted to right now. If he wanted to do this, at all, he was going to pull through this conversation. It seemed like an impossible thing to do - but he was known for doing the impossible, that was how he won his Games and got into this in the first place.
When Annie hugged him, he froze immediately - just like he expected. He wasn’t used to people invading his personal space besides Mags. He breathed in and out heavily, giving himself a few seconds before he could move his body to hers. He slowly wrapped his arms around her, too, and leaned her with his head against her shoulder. He was silent, for a very long while he didn’t react on what she said and just held her.
"I’m sorry to ask, both for me and you," he mumbled, still tightly against you: his body was shivering, "but what is it that you don’t understand? I need to clear this up, now, so we don’t ever have to talk to this again." He breathed out as if talking about this was one of the hardest thing he ever had to do. What could he say? Being crowned victor was easier.
Annie was naïve, she was young and since losing her Mother at a young age, she became a changed girl and that hadn’t changed. She was quiet, she enjoyed her own company and she didn’t partake in the average conversations of the girls in her classes at school. She didn’t think it would cause her problems, but now she felt too young to even be considering a relationship. She just didn’t understand.
“D-don’t think I’m stupid, because I’m not. I’m actually quite smart, but it’s more book smart….” She paused, “When you say that you have to sell your body, what exactly do you mean? What exactly is it that you have to do?” Annie didn’t want to ask, but she did need to understand. She didn’t want to make him feel bad, she didn’t want him to be upset because of her questions, but she needed to at least try to understand what he had to do.
She wanted to let go, to look him in the eye, but she couldn’t out of fear of making everything worse, so she held tighter. “Y-you don’t have to answer, I’m sure in time I’ll work it out.” She spoke quietly, almost as if she was afraid of waking a sleeping child, or afraid of being caught, but she was really just afraid of losing something she only just got her hands on.